Moving on after a traumatic experience…

MICHE IS BACK!!!  wooohooo, it’s so good to finally be called by my real name again…that whole Elle thing was sort of weird (especially with the schwa).  Cain Dvdreader caused soooooo much drama!  We woke up this morning to him blasting “It’s been a while” by Staind…he started sobbing and screaming I CAN STILL REMEMBER JUST THE WAY YOU TASTE…that scared me a little…thank god I had Deb here to protect me  (she threatened to pour hot bacon grease out the window – like some medieval defense method)!

He wasn’t always this crazy…our relationship started out soooo great.  He was super sweet, would always call me to see how my day was, would get worried if I didn’t come right back to my dorm right after class (so caring!), friended all my fbook friends so he could see more of my tagged pics, and started hanging out with my little brother (Scotti’s 12).  Anyways…the good times obviously couldn’t last forever.  When I’d go to work at Tina’s butcher shop, he insisted on coming with me.  At first it was nice to get a little break and have him there smiling at me…but it got a little freaky when he started sleeping in Tina’s closet so we wouldn’t have to be apart.

As Deb mentioned, he’d follow me around to parties and get SHITFACED and that one time I was soooo pissed and then he cried because he felt bad and I was like I am GOING to fucking kill you, crying does not make this ok.

So I had a heart to heart with my favorite Bacon lover and we decided that Cain HAD to go.  I’ve been trying to break up with him for at least three weeks but everytime I bring up ANYTHING…just being like “I haven’t been myself lately, I haven’t been happy” he would cry and beg me not to break up with him, and the attention was nice, so I’d drop it and be like ok everything is fine.  But it wasn’t fine.  I seriously wasn’t myself anymore…not doing the things I liked to do anymore…like hanging out with Deb, or being promiscuous.

OH and I NEVER wanted to have sex with him anymore…like haven’t for at least 3 months.  I mean, not haven’t haven’t but haven’t wanted to.

I am so not ready to be nastily married at 20. We spent EVERY second together.

It’s not that he really did anything wrong…except be too intense.

BUT YAY NOW I’M FREE!  Looking forward to a great new weekend of being a single gal

LOOOOVE,

MICHE

MICHE IS FREE AT LAST

Miche is finally back on the market after breaking up with her very Republican boyfriend of last semester, Cain Dvdreader. Just moments ago he stormed out of our room crying and carrying a garbage bag full of his belongings, including his snuggie, his toothbrush, his retainers, their framed couple photos, all 15 of the teddy bears he’d given her, and his Creed CD.

Their relationship involved constant drama, but three weeks ago it reached a point where she could no longer stand to date him.

At first Miche loved all the attention that Cain gave her, but it eventually got annoying that he insisted on going EVERYWHERE with her. He audited all her classes and followed her to work. He was OBSESSED with her, and he wouldn’t let her do anything, including blogging. He even forced her to go by “elle,” the other half of her name, pronounced with a schwa, ə.

Three weeks ago, on a Saturday night, Miche’s friend Mel invited her to a house party at Mel’s beach house about 2 hours from campus. As usual, Cain told Miche not to go, but she refused to listen and told him that she would be going. When Miche got the house that night, she was shocked to see Cain with his friend Trey parked outside. Cain followed Miche into the house, where he knew no one, and proceeded to finish off a handle of vokda with Trey.

Trey dared Cain to go streaking alone, so Cain removed all of his clothing, ran around the house, and came back into the party announced that he and Miche were engaged. As Miche was doing damage control and informing everyone that she was NOT engaged to Cain, he began vomiting ALL OVER Mel’s parent’s bathroom. Miche was so disgusted by the scene, that she vomited too.

In the morning, Cain was so embarrassed by his unsightly behavior that he cried while apologizing to Miche and Mel. After that night, Miche was sure she needed to break up with Cain, but every time she’d try he would cry and threaten to kill himself. Every night that they went out together, Miche would leave drunk Cain around girls, hoping to make him cheat, but never successful. Finally she was able to break the harsh truth to him that they were not meant to be together. She showed him the JDate account I helped her create, enforcing to him that she really was moving on.

AND SO, the blog is back!

lots of luv,

Deb

and just for fun!…

Deb’s Ultra-Delicious Trail Mix Recipe

1/2 cup pretzles

3 small bags of M&Ms

handful of cashews

1 /2 cup salted peanuts

1/4 cup yogurt-covered raisins

1 bag of Party Mix cat nip

BEECH WEAK!!!!!!!

Hi bloggers! ☺ This is Deb reporting from BEACH WEEK at LAUREN’S LOOKOUT, the cutest beach shack you’ve ever seen. I rented this place with some of the bowling peeps… but there is DRAMA! And after so long… it’s not between me and Miche, WHO IT JUST SO HAPPENS IS SITTING BESIDE ME. We are locked upstairs in the attic of Lauren’s Lookout. Don’t worry… although it’s hot… there are two beds, lots of dressers, a ghost we think is the “Lauren” from the name, and a bathroom. AND Dave has been sneaking us food (bologna, pickles, pink lemonade, frozen pizza). And even when he wasn’t around earlier today, we were able to make food. We used some tin foil to make a pot, and then just let the pasta soak in the water while heating it with lighters. Once the pasta was soggy enough to get down, we put on the room-temperature cheese sauce. And I think we might be getting sort of high off the air conditioner fumes… ANYWAY, I know you all are dying to find out what brought me and Miche back together as BEST FRIENDS WITH A BLOG. So without further a doo, I’ll let Miche explain…

MICHE HERE!!!! After I found out that Deb was going to be at beach week, I decided that I wanted to be there too.  One sorority girl came down the a bad case of Chlamydia so there was an opening in the Eta Iota Pi house, and one of the girls I became sort of close with in rush asked if I wanted the space so DUHHHHHH I took it!  I was soo excited to just get to go and hang out in a sorority house all week and make Deb totally jealous about how cool I was.  Unfortunately my roommate in the house has been a huge cuntbagslutfacewhore, and I totally think that she’s a sex addict so my time with the Eta Pies was awful! We all went to the Swedish Stallion together and I was getting pretty drunk and no one was dancing except for this cougar.  No, not the animal, that’d be dangerous.  It was this like 50-something year old woman dressed like a 20-something year old with terrible hair and a leopard sash.  Well, I really wanted the girls to like me so I started impersonating the woman’s dance moves.  The Eta Pies thought it was sooooo funny so I was hoping that maybe if I kept it up they’d offer me a bid.  Well, the woman saw, and started to yell at me so I just sort of ran away, then a little bit later I danced like her some more and that’s WHEN SHE ATTACKED ME!  She started pushing me choking me and the bouncers couldn’t pull her off me because she just kept clawing all around.  And that’s when something beautiful happened.  I saw this blur of magenta flying towards me.  IT WAS DEB!  She’d jumped out of the cage where she was grinding on some innocent drunk dude and JUMPED ONTO THE COUGAR!  She landed right on top of her and the woman was so terrified that she sprinted right out of the club.  DEB IS A SAVIOR!  We got talking about it and laughing about that terrible cougar, and kept getting cute locals to buy us drinks, and we ended up spending the whole night together!   I told her about how exhausted I’ve been because I can’t sleep so she invited me to spend the night with her in Lauren’s Lookout!

Stumbling back to Lauren’s with Miche just reminded me of the good ol’ days when I’d have to go pick her ass up at a party when she got too drunk and carry her back on my shoulders. ☺ I remembered why we were always best friends and suddenly, with the ocean breeze blowing up our skirts and Sex on the Beach spilt all over my tube top, I just forgave her for stealing the one true love of my life… second to bacon… Jim. THEN…just as everything seemed peaceful in the world again, we opened up the front door of Lauren’s Lookout and the smell of cooking bacon…MY bacon… drifted to my nose. And I saw about five cans of MY coke, half-drank, scattered around the living room. I was LIVID. I had EXPLICITLY labeled all of my food, using this adorable pad of pink paper with my initials on it. I explained the situation to Miche and she came up with the hilarious idea to start labeling EVERYTHING in the house. We made signs for “Deb’s stove,” “Deb’s TV,” “Deb’s blow-up bowling lane,” “Deb’s couch,” “Deb’s giant Blue Marlin statue that is said to be worth $1,200,” etc. I even labeled Dave as “Deb’s Dave.” Now…before I go into the drama that ensued… I need to give a little background on the sitch of Lauren’s Lookout. At the lanes, I mostly chill with the peeps from my year, such as Christopher Vodka, but I have also become pretty good friends with Dave Ruln, who is a year older. Christopher couldn’t come to beach week because he was arrested a few months ago and he forgot to tell his probation officer enough in advance that he was the leaving the state. Sooo I decided to stay with Dave and a bunch of seniors who I barely knew. Things went pretty well in the beginning because I’d just keep to myself… I started a great little rotation of eating, sleeping, and going to the beach alone. At night I’d take a cab to Main St. and hover outside the sorority houses until they came out. Then I’d follow them to the clubs and slurp up their drinks when the looked away. Then I’d go stand in the cages or on the balcony and watch everyone dance. Well, it was from my perch in one of the cages that I saw Miche be attacked and swooped in to rescue her. We bonded and I decided to bring her back to the house since she felt uncomfortable sleeping in the room with her sex-addicted sorority roommate. So we stumble in… discover my eaten food… and everything got awkward. After we labeled most of the house, we put little notes in the tabs of the open cokes that said “FUCK YOU.” We were standing in the kitchen, giggling about our signs, when one of the house members came over to us from the living room and began screaming. He told me I could move out whenever I wanted, that everyone else there was friends, and I clearly didn’t fit in so I could leave. I began crying and Miche and I ran upstairs to my bedroom in the attic. (Although there were 10 bedrooms, and 8 of us, two of the guys had girlfriends who weren’t paying for the house but would obviously be spending every night there… and they didn’t want to keep their stuff in the boy’s nasty rooms… so they needed their own rooms. So I ended up in the attic… but like I said, it’s not so bad.) We went to bed and slept until around 11, and here we’ve been ever since… too scared to leave…

We haven’t even left the room today.  We’ve just been watching episodes of Sister Sister and Smart Guy all day.  Luckily Dave has been hanging around here with us and he even went downstairs to make us some sloppy joes.  They’re pretty terrible, but Deb likes them, she likes everything.  We’ll probably just start drinking soon because there really isn’t much to do in this room.  I can’t exactly abandon Deb in this awful situation, I think that tonight will not be one to remember because we’ll just drink away our sorrows and probably get in another fight.  We don’t even have internet here…We’re typing this post in Word and then we’ll post it later.  OH WELL!  Good to know that you bloggers will always be here for us!  Thanks guys!